Mom

“Can I use your Tahoe for a couple hours?”

“No Zachary I need the gas in there to last me the rest of the week”

“Well that’s okay I can put some gas in it”

“No I have places to go this afternoon”

“Oh well where do you have to go? I’ll see if I can work around it”

“I SAID NO ZACHARY”

“Mom I really need to get this stuff done today, please? I might not be able to do it tomorrow”

*Hangs up*

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Granny

“I wanna talk to you later about the Charlotte thing. I know you have a lot of stuff to worry about. I’m 19 years old now and I want to talk to you about it like an adult”

“Zach I have too much on my plate right now to worry about it”

“I know, that’s what I want to talk to you about later, I think it’ll make things easier for you”

__________________________________________________________________

Granny

“Hey, don’t forget I want to talk to you about Charlotte coming over for a couple days”

“Zach I have too much to worry about!”

“Could you please just listen?”
“Fine”

“What if I took pop pop to the hospital every other day so you could get the stuff done that only you can do. And the days that you take him, you could leave me a list of things that need to be done that I can do, so you can focus on the other stuff without worrying about the simple stuff”

“Zach, I don’t think she’ll be able to come right now. I have too much to do around this house”

“….I know….that’s why I said if you leave me a list or something I could do that while you were taking him on the days I don’t. That way you can get your stuff done without having to worry about the smaller things”

“Zach there are some things that only I can do”

“…..I KNOW….I JUST SAID THAT. I’m talking about stuff around the house like cleaning or watering the gardens or whatever else you need me to do. It’s our one year anniversary and I don’t get to see her much as it is”

“Zach. She’s not coming. I’m sorry but you just don’t seem to understand the amount of stress I have around here with all the stuff going on”

“GRANNY. I. KNOW. That’s why I’m trying to make it easier for you! But you won’t let me! No one ever lets me make it easier for them! Then they complain that I don’t do anything!”

*she starts crying*

____________________________________________________________________

Mom

“We need to have a little talk”

“About what? She’s only coming over for a couple days. You said that was okay”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the shitty attitude you have towards everyone in this family. What are your plans for yourself? Because you surely can’t stay here forever”

“What are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about…..do you know how sick pop pop is?”

“Yea, I try not to think about it”

“Well you have to. You need to treat your grandmother with more respect. She does so much for you and she doesn’t need all this extra stress”

“Mom. I know. I JUST told her yesterday I would take pop pop every other day and on the days I don’t take him I would work around the house. But she won’t let me”

“Zach I don’t think you understand how much stress she has. They’ve been married for 60 years and they are 80 years old!”

“MOM I KNOW I WAS AT THEIR ANNIVERSARY. I’m TRYING to make it easier for them! It’s not MY fault if they don’t let me! Just like the other day when you wouldn’t let me put $40 in your tank while you complained about not having any gas”

“Where did you get that money from?”

“I had a couple paychecks I was gonna get cashed if you let me use the Tahoe, and I was gonna put 40 out of the 43 that I was gonna get in your tank”

“Well whenever I let you use it you don’t go where you say you are gonna go”

“Mom that was 2 years ago I’m 19 now”

“Well I haven’t seen any change in you. I haven’t seen you try”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, have you called Karen at the college yet?!?”

“Yea, about 6 times! And I left a message with my number each time!”

“Royal Farms is hiring, why don’t you go down there?”

“Mom, I know. I’ve been applying there for the past 3 years. I’ve called them, went in and talked to the manager, everything! I can’t MAKE them hire me. I’ve applied to all the fast food places, and I’ve been planning on going down to the workforce place to see if they have anything but I’m not gonna lie honestly I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

“You know, I know you aren’t the goody goody two shoes act you put on for everyone. Your friends tell me all the drinking and smoking and partying you do”

“I promise you, you don’t know a thing about it. I don’t drink as much as you think I do, I’m not you”

“Let me tell you something Zach. You were born with fetal alcohol syndrome. That’s where these rages are coming from”

“Like I said, I promise you you don’t know”

“Well if you are gonna be out past 9 you need to tell your grandmother so she doesn’t worry about you”

“What are you TALKING about?!?!? I DO tell her every time I go out! AND I tell her when I’m probably gonna be back! What ELSE is she telling you??”

“She hasn’t told me anything”
“Oh really? Then how would you know if I’m coming in late and all that other stuff, how I apparently treat her so badly?”

*silence*

“You know what, I’m just gonna say one more thing. You need to think about what you’re doing and think about what I said”

_________________________________________________________________

In the past 5 years I’ve gotten drunk 4 times.

I quit smoking Marijuana last week to try to get my head clear and my life on track.

_________________________________________________________________

Granny & Pop Pop

“Hey, do you guys need any help with anything?”

“No not right now. Might need you to go to the dump later”

“Oh well that works out well cuz I have to take that grill and fishing pole to the give and take pile there. Now, if y’all don’t want me using the jimmy cuz the town sticker has expired, I’m gonna need to use the Tacoma at some point to get those things down there, and I could just take whatever you need me to while I’m going down there”

Pop pop: “Not this afternoon!”

“Huh? Why not? I thought granny just said she might need me to take some stuff to the dump later, I was just gonna take my stuff too while I was there”

*gives me an angry look, ignores me, and gets in the van*

“ALRIGHT. WHATEVER”

“We’ll talk later Zach” 

I fucking hate my family and the fucking mental shit they put me through. I would rather them beat the fuck out of me. Bones fucking heal and cuts and bruises fucking heal. 

I fucking hate this family and I hate how I’ve spent so much time with them that I know I’m starting to turn into them. Was that the plan?? To create another fucking clone of your fucked up image. I fucking hate you all. Keep my seat in hell warm for me mom, I’ll fucking see you there.

It’s really weird to not be smoking anymore. Like, I physically feel like a different person. I feel young again. I feel like a lot of stress is off my shoulders. Me and Charlotte are doing so much better. I wanna do SO much stuff. I have SO much energy. I feel like this might be the best for me right now, until I get my shit together and stop fucking around.

Still miss smoking a little though, it was fun.